A Federation can be a difficult thing


This is light hearted look into the differences between each of the states was submitted to COSBOA's website.

The behaviours as described below pretty much apply to organisations representing the states and territories. These include political organisations, industry associations, unions, and large businesses.

New South Wales

  • The biggest and most political of the states. Will stab everyone in the back including themselves. The NSW representatives will not even trust each other. NSW will eventually threaten to leave any federation if they don’t get their own way. If ICAC is mentioned at any meeting the NSW representatives will storm out.

  • Meetings in NSW will have mud cake and rock cakes for morning tea and for lunch there will be specially made party pies and gourmet rolls with fancy bread.

Victoria

  • Events in Victoria will stop at 10.15 am exactly for morning tea and resume at 10.30 am exactly. Lunch will be at 12.30 pm and the meeting will resume on the dot of 1.00 pm. When in a situation where the only state that disagrees is NSW they will dare them to leave the federation, then spend time trying to appease them while trying to shore up support from the other states. They will try to send more than their share of delegates to any free events sponsored by governments.

  • Meetings in Victoria will have plain biscuits for morning tea and functional sandwiches for lunch. There will be vegetarian and vegan options.

Queensland

  • QLD will be angry with NSW and dismissive of Victoria. Will propose completely bizarre and unachievable objectives. Will be late for most meetings. Will leave the room more than anyone else to make phone calls and get advice. Representatives are more likely to be future politicians or have experience in the sugar industry.

  • Meetings in Queensland will have pumpkin scones with ham and pineapple for morning tea and open sandwiches for lunch to show off their prawns. There will be no vegetarian option.

Western Australia

  • WA will complain about being constantly left out of deliberations. Will often miss meetings by 2 hours. Will always be angry and unhappy and complain a lot. Will constantly talk about the GST, Wesfarmers, Bunnings and the mining sector. Will need to leave meetings early to catch a plane.

  • Meetings in Western Australia will have past-expiry-date Coles purchased slab cake for morning tea and a cold buffet for lunch.

South Australia

  • SA will always be almost bankrupt. They will attend meetings by phone.

  • Meetings in South Australia will have no morning tea and attendees will have to buy their own lunch.

Tasmania

Will be bankrupt. There are no meetings in Tasmania.

Northern Territory

  • NT will often be an apology as any appointed representative will be in Bali. When they do attend they will say repeatedly say “you don’t understand the Territory” and also talk about when they last went fishing.

  • Morning tea will be damper and lunch will be at the local.

Australian Capital Territory

  • Will be ideological about any issue.

  • In accordance with the traffic light food system, morning tea will consist of Nescafe Gold instant coffee, Arnott’s cream biscuits (but only one per person), a fruit platter, and sugar-free hash brownies. Lunch will be a mixture of wraps, sandwiches and rolls on Turkish bread, Lebanese bread, Naan bread, Wonder White bread, artisan baguettes, sourdough, mixed seed bread, spelt bread, generic brown bread, and bagels. There will be Halal, Kosher, Gluten free, low-fat, Paleo, organic, vegetarian, vegan, fruitarian, pescatarian and breatharian options.

(No selling chocolates for fund raising allowed – vegetables only).

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© 2018 Peter Strong CEO, COSBOA  

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